Water Tower Blues
by dubleohsev
Summary: I'm horrible at these summaries but please guys read and review... i worked really hard on this one... and will cry if no one tells me how it is.


I wish I could just go back to last night and just start over.

I would have asked Robbie to go to the water tower to throw rocks as far as we could; something we used to do years ago when Lily's parents grounded her or sent her out of town for a week in the summer. Our way of venting our anger and dumping our worries proved itself to be the one thing we had to ourselves; the one thing we didn't share with anyone. We use to go there to talk about guy things like girls and sex (though we'd never admit it, we thought it made us manly).

We stopped going when Travis moved to town because, of all the things we included him in, this was the secret we didn't want to let anyone else in on. It was just something that helped define and sustain our relationship through pain and heartache. I miss it most days because it was a time when I got to bond with my best friend. It was a moment in time when nothing but our friendship mattered: not Lily, not school, not life. It was just time to kick back and be juvenile boys throwing rocks.

Some days we didn't say a word- just stared out over the sides of the water tower. We were able to act for a little while that we were older than we were- that our worries could magically melt away by simply throwing rocks into the deserted street below, and that Robbie's dad hadn't just passed away. As much as we wanted to live the life of Peter Pan and stay boys forever, it was impossible and impractical. Robbie was forced to grow up too fast. He had to take care of his mom and deal with his feelings: something young boys just can't comprehend. The death of Robbie's father was the one thing we never talked about; it was understood between the two of us that that topic was taboo. As much as Robbie likes to help people with their problems, he deals with his own by blocking off that part of his life and changing the subject when the matter came up in conversation.

I have temptations just as any other guy has. I knew my girlfriend would be waiting for me back at the station. It is so great to think of her as my girlfriend. It is something I have waited for my whole life. The truth is, most nights at the water tower, Lily was the topic of conversation. She was the diversion from Robbie's hurting. We could see the lake from the water tower. One day I saw a boy and his dad in what looked like a new racing boat and carelessly turned to Robbie and said, "Remember that time your dad took us to the lake and we learned how to drive his boat?" He looked at me with tears welling in his eyes (Robbie's dad had grown to be a role model for both him and me) and I quickly changed the focus to something else we had in common: some days it was the topic of conversation in English class but most days it was Lily. I quickly said, "Didn't Lily look so beautiful that day?" after recognizing a potentially bad situation. "Yeah, She sure did," he choked out with a sigh, trying to cover his pain. As the chat lulled away from the mention of his father, he continued to keep his focus on the boy on the lake, probably recollecting that afternoon so long ago with his own dad.

His dad took Robbie, Lily, and me out in his new boat. We went fishing and had a great time making jokes. Robbie's dad was a master comedian (even though kids were his only crowd but he enjoyed our company.) We pushed Lily into the water as a joke and even though she was enraged with us once she was safe on the boat again, I couldn't get my mind off how beautiful she was, even then. She crossed her delicate, white arms, stuck her nose in the air, and turn around to make her point (that she was queen bee and queen bee wouldn't be mistreated) but every time she looked at us, she couldn't help but laugh with that mind-boggling smile.

That is my most vivid memory of the girl next door. That was the day I knew I would adore her forever. Now Lily and I are finally together after years of watching her from afar, secretly admiring her smile, memorizing her laugh, calculating the number of seconds that she has been alive, and dreaming of a time when I could embrace her softly and never let go.

I turned Robbie down when he asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him and Travis because in truth, I wanted to spend time with Lily. Last night was the foreign movie marathon Travis had been anticipating for weeks. He had traveled the world and even lived with Tibetan monks. I know I tried not to make him being from Hong Kong a big deal but the truth is I was jealous. He is the international man of mystery while I am here with my stupid "roots", as he called them. I didn't quite understand what was so great about being embedded in Roscoe. The only positives I could think of were Robbie and Lily- I could find Travis, enjoy memories of throwing rocks, and singing karaoke anywhere but true friends and true love were one in a million each.

Travis favored the memories in Roscoe over everywhere else he'd been. I just don't get it. "I don't want to forget anything about this place, Ray," he told me. I bet if he left he wouldn't want to remember me; he wouldn't want to remember the town the shattered his heart into smithereens.

In his travels of the world, Travis has seen everything these movies were depicting first hand, yet since his ex left town, all he wants to do is sulk and drown himself in his misfortune and loner lamp personas. I get so fed-up of those ridiculous Buddha quotes. Even though I am sick of Travis, even though my girlfriend was waiting for me in the station, even though my entire life came down to this one night, the start of my manhood, the pinnacle of every boy's fantasies… I should have said yes to the movie marathon and no to Lily. She would forgive me for missing our rendezvous but I don't think we will get past last night.

I should have seen the stupid movie. I turned it down even though I love kung fu films. Instead, I stumbled smack dab into (reasonably) one of the deadliest curveballs of my evanescent life. I know now that my moments with Lily are all but permanent.

I showed up at the station to find a room filled with candles, a velvet blanket draped over the notorious, ratty couch, and soft music playing (I think the song is "In the Car" by Bare Naked Ladies). Lily looked stagnificent- even more so than in the transitory memory that mild afternoon on the water. She was wearing blue jeans and a red camisole and her hair had that perfect messy (not too neat but also not too unkempt). She was the small town girl I had grown up loving. Maybe this is what Travis meant by roots. She granted me a smile and greeted me with a mind-blowing kiss. I knew what she was thinking because, well, I was quite frankly, thinking it, too. I love how we are always on the same page. The night went on from there (and you can guess what I mean by that).

It wasn't like I had pictured it at all though. I thought it would be something I would always look back on and say, "Wow, my first time was great!" Truth is: it was exactly the opposite. Half way through, she got panic-stricken, causing me to freak out. She was crying and running her mouth and I have to say that in all the years that I have known her, I have never seen Lily like this. She is usually the one who is so composed and sure of herself. She is never indecisive and always confident. She is the one always talking me through my problems because I am always the stupid one to get myself in situations I can't handle (whether mentally or physically). I must admit, I don't like this side of Lily: the one who can't stop talking during sex, the one who is afraid.

My Lily is never frightened and her Ray doesn't give good advise; he doesn't know what to say in uncomfortable situations like that. I didn't want to stay silent and flip her out anymore so instead, like an idiot, I told her to shut up and calm down. She took it the wrong way and thought I was being immature and impatient but the truth: I was just as scared of her as she was of what was happening here. I was afraid of this new Lily and I was afraid the old one wasn't coming back. That calm, beautiful, graceful Lily was gone and this new monster had taken the place of her body as it lie next to me on the red, pleather couch.

I couldn't take it anymore. I put my clothes on and left Lily troubled and distraught in the station. Sure, I regretted walking out on my best friend and the love of my life but at this point, I couldn't risk saying the wrong thing again and ruining our relationship all together. I pulled my shirt over my head, climbed the stairs leading into the alley, and slammed the door behind me. I know that made me look like a jerk who was just in his relationship to sleep with Lily but I guess my fear just got the best of me. All I could think to do was go home and cry myself to sleep… so I did.

Our romantic relationship has to be put on hold while we try to get over the events of last night. I haven't talked to Lily today. I did see her from down the hall. She wasn't herself and I knew it. Last night I had expected to see her face glowing the next day and an extra spring in her step. Seeing her now, slumming through the halls and watching the floor as she drug her feet made me hate myself for leaving. I just want to hold her. I want to apologize for not holding her last night; for not telling her it was okay to be afraid and that I loved her.

After avoiding an argument all day, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle a radio show so I skipped out, telling the guys I needed some alone time (which I did). I didn't know where to go so I trusted my feet to carry me. Unconsciously, my feet followed the familiar trail I had taken so many times so many years ago with Robbie. My feet had missed walking this trail. I had missed walking this trail. I soon found my feet planted in front of the sign stating, "Please stay off the water tower! Private Property." Why had I never noticed this sign before? Minutes later, I was at the top of the water tower throwing rocks at the deserted street below but this time, I didn't want to feel grown up. I wanted to be the exact opposite: I wanted to be the innocent little boy I was a mere hour ago. I wanted to be the boy in the boat with his best friend, his role model, and the girl he admired from afar.


End file.
